Thoughts on Stuff

-- How do you safely integrate bicycle and automobile traffic?

You make bicycle traffic a primary or dedicated focus of a system of roadways, removing auto drivers biggest claim to road ownership (that roads were created for them).



I guess it isn't all that hard when you actually give a shiite.

-- The pros and cons of tubeless tires.


-- Snow biking with a real snowbike..

Oh the joys of having money falling out yer arse.

-- Next time you want to whine about how you've suffered cycling shut the fook up.

THAT guy is freakin' Bikezilla.

-- A radio interview with Rebecca Rusch

Love her. Not only does she get more amazing as she gets older (if you can believe it she's 42 now), but I wish more riders were so involved with their fans and with support of their sponsors.

She's cute, cool and tough as freakin' hell.

-- Jonathan Vaughters says Garmin's 2011 goal is to be the #1 team in the world.

-- And another bike related music video.

For Beginning Cycling Fans: Robbie McEwen, Robbie Hunter and Their Journey From Pegasus to RadioSkank

After reading my last article, "Even More Thoughts on Stuff" someone who doesn't typically follow cycling said, "Who are these guys and why should I care?".

So here's the basics on Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen and Robbie Hunter, or "The Robbies" and their journey from Pegasus Sports to Team RadioSkank.

If I'm missing something on this one, any of you with a stronger knowledge of cycling history feel free to correct me.

Professional cyclists are unofficially divided into "types": Sprinters, climbers, overall (GC, General Classification) and support (domestique).

McEwen, in his youth, was the baddest ass sprinter ever and he was a wicked, wicked rider. He had a penchant for head-butting opponents, and that was just one weapon in his arsenal of underhanded and outright mean tactics. On top of the nastiness he was just plain fast. Possibly the best of his time and he still has no quit in him. The man is a beast.

As a sprinter he's still pretty good, but age and a really nasty injury two years ago have stolen something from him and he's dropped to the second tear of top sprinters. Still damned impressive at 38 years old.

He'll still finish top 4 or 5 in most sprints vs the true elites.

He's also mellowed. A lot. He isn't as fast and he's also not as psycho.

Robbie Hunter was never better than a second tier guy. All his victories are in sprints, but almost all are in lesser races vs second and third tier sprinters or non-sprinters.

RadioShack (RadioSkank) is Lance Armstrong's team. Any team associated with Lance has . . . issues. One of those issues is that the guys on the team are picked for their literal slavish devotion to Lance. This has actually been openly and publicly stated by the team.

Another issue is that not one of Lance's teams, EVER, has supported sprinting, because sprinting isn't Lance's gig and if it isn't Lance's gig who gives a shiite about it. None of his teams has even ever had a top sprinter.

So, for a pair of guys who are considered or who consider themselves to be sprinters, RadioSkank is not a logical nor a productive choice. It's a desperate choice and no flowery words nor hopeful phrases will change that.

But the Robbies' old team (Pegasus) never really got off the ground and they (the Robbies) were stuck with a choice of 1. Riding at a basically amateur level when they've spent their careers riding at the elite level. 2. Not riding at all because at this point in the off season finding another team approaches becoming impossible 3. Riding for the first guy with a first division team who offers to take you in, because chances are that he's gonna be the only guy making an offer.

Even More Thoughts on Stuff

-- Another cyclist victimized in a hit and run on-purpose.

This guy wasn't Kornheisered, he wasn't just "tapped" or "popped", he was Learyed.

Jurgen Ankenbrand must have been Hamilton Beach, California's "number one quality of life threat". So some socially astute guardian of the public trust and welfare took his Toyota 4 Runner and hammered the 67 year old raging cyclopath straight to Hell.

And Denis Leary gives another cheer

But, really, isn't it nice to finally see the "angry" in Angry Asian?

-- Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen and Robbie Hunter sign on to the RadioSkank Slave Squad.

Couple'a points.

1. Robbie Hunter? Not really a sprinter, not even at his best and strongest. So quit fookin' sayin' he is! Dammit.

Is he a good guy? Sure. Is he a reliable domestique? Yes. But he's only gonna win a sprint if all the real sprinters break their legs and are forced to ride 25 year old steal frame commuters.

2. Going to RadioSkank as a sprinter (are you listening, Head-Butt?) is like going into the salt flats as a climber.

As Johan Bruyneel admits, Robbie and Robbie can expect exactly ZERO by way of team support. The first race is yet to be rid and he's already saying, "Yer on yer own, fellas.".

Johan, oh by the way, would the the King Mega Boogie of All Douche Bags if not for being topped by Lance Armstrong.

Head-Butt, for his part, took full advantage of the official UCI Boonen Exemption and took a few healthy drags on his crack pipe, saying:

"Johan Bruyneel offered me the environment I was looking for. I am happy and grateful. I still know and believe that I am one of the fastest sprinters in the world. The young guys like Cavendish, Farrar or Greipel are tough to beat but I know that I am still amongst that group of elite sprinters."

Ummmmmmmm, right. Just what the rest of us were thinking. Or not.

Head-Butt then passed the pipe to Hunter, who finished it off and said:

"Team RadioShack suits me very well. I've proved in the past that I have no problem sacrificing my chances for another rider as I did last year for Tylar Farrar. Also in 2011 the Team can count on me and I know that they will give me the opportunity to do my own sprints, too."

Right, you weren't supporting Tyler Farrar because he's the second best sprinter in the world and you're a schlub, you were supporting Tyler because you valiantly sacrificed your own glory, which you easily could have snatched away from the snot nosed upstart had you not been such a swell team player.

And, yes, you will be allowed to do your own sprints. For instance, if you want to ace the sprint at your family picnic, BAM, totally yours. You wanna win the final sprint at the Tour of Bumfuktistan, POOF, you got it, buddy.

Come on, guys, really? Radioskank is a desperation move.

When McEwen was just a baby Head-Butt he was Cav before there was a Cav, and a whole lot nastier. I think guys were actually afraid of Head-Butt back in the day, both as a sprinter and as a flat-out, flaming sociopath.

Sadly, as he's gotten older and slower he's also gotten more civilized.

To that I say, "BOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!"

The best thing that will come out of this deal is that Head-Butt will be mentoring guys like Ben King (yes, the American one). Because of McEwen, you'll see a more aggressive bunch of younger guys and they'll learn to read a course better and more quickly than they would without him.

Head-Butt has a lot more to offer The Skank than The Skank has to offer him.

-- $10,400 to "test" a bike and give a manufacturer a role of stickers that says it is "UCI approved"?

I call bullshiite.

-- I actually agree with UCI on this one.

And, yes, saying that did cause a lil blood vessel in my eye to burst.

But the whole Pegasus thing seemed to be done in a totally halfazzed manner.

Chris White has been a fookin' wolverine and when Pegasus eventually makes it to the elites it'll be largely thanks to his refusal to roll over and die.

But, dude, organization does NOT appear to be your forte (pronounced FORT, for all you retards who doubly miss pronounce it forTAY).

A free one year subscription to Bikezilla if you can name my pet peeve.

-- Campagnolo reintroduces an electronic groupo.

Just as Shimano is rumored to releasing its Ultegra Di2 set in 2012.

Campagnolo has a lot to live up to considering that Shimano's Dura Ace Di2 groupo has a reputation for flawless performance under any conditions.

SRAM says they're sticking with purely mechanical group sets because they're less expensive and are affordable to a larger group of riders.

Again, I call bullshiite.

Their business model doesn't allow them to create a groupo to compete with the quality and performance of Dura Ace Di2, which will be the standard until someone can unseat it.

When Shimano's cheap stuff fails, it usually just grossly under-performs, bends, stretches, refuses to hold adjustment.

All bad stuff, which has caused me to really have an intense disliking for Shimano and the way they shiite all over their lower income customers.

But . . .

When SRAM's cheap stuff fails, it usually BREAKS, sometimes dangerously.

-- And for your viewing and listening pleasure, another bike related music video.

Submitted by the temporarily resurrected Ophelia. Poor lil zombie Ophelia. Thank you.

More, More Thoughts On Stuff

-- Chris White of Pegasus Sports isn't just being hardheaded, he's being smart.

If he can keep the team running this year and have some success at the Continental level, then he can remove some doubts about the stability of Pegasus and improve his chances of gaining bigger sponsors and of moving up to ProContinental.

With the likelihood of finding a spot on other teams really slim for most Pegasus riders and staff for the 2011 season, they'd seem to have some motivation to stick with the team even as a Continental squad. If they do, they should tear things up at that level and not have any problem impressing sponsors and UCI in order to get into position to move up for 2012.

My fingers are crossed for you, Chris.

-- Christian Meier took some questions from Twitter geeks.

Christian, like Cadel Evans, also has a way cool cycling wife. She's no Chiara, who's still the coolest cycling wife / gf ever, but who is.

-- I'm still bummed that Ben King (yes, the American one) will be riding for RadioSkank.

But I'm stoked about finally seeing he and Taylor Phinney (BMC) race as pros at the elite level.

-- Spokesman webcasts. Love'em, despite being a little too chatty and rambling.

-- Here's a link to some winter cycling tips

I've noticed a lot more people out on their bikes, even in the nastiest cold weather this year.

I really need to swap the tires on my MTB for something with better tread, but I probably won't and I'll probably end up wishing I had.

-- And, oh yeah, another bike related music video.


The Smiths - Stop Me If You Think You've Heard This One Before
Uploaded by Warner-Music. - Explore more music videos.

Bikezilla on Kindle

Bikezilla is now available for Kindle

Now you can read me on the train, the plane, in the car, ANYWHERE! Yay you!


Bikezilla is updated more frequently during cycling season.

More Thoughts on Stuff

-- Another UCI power play.

I'm obviously missing something in that article, because it seems like this new "program" amounts to, "Ok, you guys give us some money and we'll give you some stickers, which we'll totally trust you to only put on equipment that we've approved, so there won't be any need for all that pesky checking at inconvenient times like right before races.".

Biopassports for bike equipment?

I think it's just one more way for UCI to stick its unwelcome and unneeded nose further into places it has no business being.

Their fookin' rules are arbitrary, created and enforced on a whim, and what say do the people and groups that their rules actually affect have? NONE!

They can't be voted out of office, they can't be fired by the people and groups they claim to represent. They do what they want, when they want, where they want, to who and what they want and they can do it all in any manner they wish, with no risk of repercussions.

-- UCI lives in a world with no official, and very few unofficial, checks and balances.

They throw their weight in any direction, or nearly any direction, and people jump to get out of the way.

They bully riders, who are unorganized, they bully teams, which are also unrepresented by any organization, they bully race owners / organizers, who as a group also lack a backing organization, and now they intensify their bullying of manufacturers.

The really annoying thing is that manufacturers HAVE organized and are represented by World Federation of Sporting Goods Industry.

Unfortunately, the WFSGI is a paper tiger. It stands before King McQuaid, after many months of begging for an audience, trembling and stuttering, shifting nervously from foot to foot and hoping that he and the Kingdom of UCI will simply allow them to continue their pathetic existence.

They posses the muscle and influence of an entire industry, yet quake before the poxy whore McQuaid, never understanding that he merely feigns royalty, with his smear of clown-red lipstick, his threadbare wig and his mangled tin crown.

"Pathetic" is too gentle a word.

-- ASO has no liking or even respect for McQuaid. They pretend to adore him because for the moment he is their lapdog.

ASO alone recognizes McQuaid for the powerless charlatan that he really is. Only ASO as smashed McQuaid's nose into his own stinking pile of dung and forced him to breathe deeply.

If owners / organizers of the Giro and the Vuelta would join together against UCI they could do the same.

Please, God, let them have the courage.

If they do, maybe riders and teams and a broader groups of race owners / organizers will finally find the spine to band together and man up and stop quelling before the toothless lion that is Pat McQuaid and the UCI.

-- And, oh by the way, I'm not the only one whining fruitlessly, powerlessly and with self-righteous indignation over this.

But just let me add, "Yeah, what she said!".

-- This is how you take a "casual" ride with your gf without you feeling like you're going so slow that you're about to topple over and her feeling like you're abandoning her because you're riding too far ahead.

-- Tour Down Under organizers are tantrum-throwing bullies.

They refuse to allow riders in their race to participate in any other Australian races.

They build themselves up at the expense of Australia's national cycling prestige and future. They weaken the country for the sake of their own interest. It's disgusting.

If UCI really gives a shiite about the global growth of cycling and its future, they'll step in and speak up publicly and without equivocation.

-- Lance Armstrong? Self-absorbed, egomaniacal scum to rival Hitler. But ASO should like him a hell of a lot more than they do.

He's the goose that laid their golden mofo egg.

-- Correction. What Pat McQuaid means is EPO suspensions for nobodies should be four years. The Bigs have nothing to worry about, because if there's so much as a suspicion that they've doped, UCI will make sure they aren't even tested.


-- Scum-sucking billionaire jerk, George Gillett Jr and his attempt to humiliate and destroy Australia's national Pegasus Sports cycling team seem to have failed.

YAAAAAAAAAAAY! for the team and the 50 - 80 people who won't lose their jobs.

But it sounds like the team is down to bare bones. It should be a real joy to ride for these guys this season.

-- Women's cycling is an amazing sport. Some elite women, I think, could not only push the envelope but tear it wide open and ride with the men. Measuring power by watts/kg some elite women actually outperform men.

Not to mention that the women are generally a hell of a lot sweeter to look at, even in team kits, than the men.

Yet the funding, coverage and opportunities for female racers and their teams SUCKS!.

It's bullshiite.

-- Almost forgot:

Here's another bicycle related music video.


Owen - One of These Days
Uploaded by ADA_Distribution. - See the latest featured music videos.

Thoughts on Stuff

-- Pegasus Sports, they crash and burn without ever getting off the ground.

Is a lackluster roster to blame?

Was billionaire douchewad, George Gillet unwilling to cough up a promised 4.7 million bucks for a team charging hard toward mediocrity or worse? What happened to team development?

Where's Robbie "Head-Butt" McEwen gonna be racing now?

He's probably one of the few guys from Pegasus who'll be lucky enough to find a team for '11.

I've asked him, via Twitter. So for he's silently told me to piss off.

That hurts, Head-Butt. Truly.

::sniffle::

-- HTC uses 2011 team kits to announce that the entire team is gay.

-- Pat McQuaid, Uber Douche (yes, I do use that word waaaaaaaaaay too much).

Remember in '09 when Lance Armstrong said something about the Grand Tours not needing to be three weeks long, that maybe two weeks would be plenty?

Pat agrees and is actually pushing to have the Giro and Vuelta reduced.

Does anyone else smell ASO on this?

McQuaid has been their bitch since they slapped his azz down over who they did and didn't have to invite to their races and showed him that they're the real power in professional cycling, not UCI.

Since then he's been making sly lil moves that up their importance by undermining the competition, like moving the Tour of California to May vs the Giro d'Italia and extending it closer to two weeks.

I agree with him that cycling needs to be expanded outside of Europe. But I'd rather see a rival for European cycling. I don't think American and other National cycling interests need to be a parasite on European cycling. There's no need to bleed one in order to feed the others.

-- Jonathan Vaughters says, the way cycling and the junction between teams, sponsors and events is run now, sucks.

Actually, Jonathan never used the word "sucks", but I know he wanted to, so I used it for him.

You're welcome, JV. Any little thing I can do to help.

I'm not sure his proposed system is THE solution, but it's a solution.

I do know that right now the organization of professional cycling is a disaster that isn't beneficial to teams, riders, events, sponsors or fans. It's stupidly unstable. That needs to change.

I still say that UCI stands in the way of any positive movement or change and that they need to be destroyed by any means honest or dishonest. They are a snake masquerading as a savior.

-- Here's a bike related music video for all my courier fixie-wank readers via Ophelia (yes, she sent it before she slipped / jumped into the river and drowned). I'd thank her but, hello, she's dead.



Yes, I'll mention you, too, if you send me one that I use.

-- And because I know you're starved for it, more advice and worldly wisdom from your dear Bikezilla.

Questions via Formask.com, all asked me by really really smart people.

Q: How many cockels are in the human heart?

A: None, but there are 37.2659347 cockles.

Q: Does mrs. claus go bar-hopping, that one night that santa is away?

A: No, she comes straight to my place.

Q: Do you cry at movies?

A: You mean like when Spock died?

I totally refuse to answer this.

Q: Is my girlfriend pregnant, her boobs hurt, she can smell a lot of things, foods make her sick and she has mood swings really bad?

A: Depends. Are her eyes glowing red, too?

Q: What color bra should my girlfriend wear?

A: I wouldn't mind seeing her in the red one. I mean, I like her in the black one, too, but . . .

Q: When you convert to another denomination or faith how does it affect your relationship with your family?

A: Again, depends. What are you converting to / from?

For instance, if you convert from Judaism to Islam, you're required to blow you're whole family up the next time they visit Starbucks or ride the bus.

Q: Can you bl** me?

A: No, but while we're on it, would you mind telling your mom "thanks" for me? She was totally worth the $5.